Orcs

There is never an orc.
There are always orcs.

Within the belly of each is a burning nugget of iron. Carve off a limb and embed a slug of iron. Wait a week as muscle forms, cramping in agony around a splinter of white-hot pain.

Their black blood ruins metal, corroding it beyond repair. Arms and armour used against them will be useless in 3 days.

Left in the Sun, they die in hours.       

At night they slink from the mountains for meat and metal.

HD 1 / AC as Armour / Damage as Weapon

Druids

our mouths are full of soil
hands beneath these hills
grasping flint and barrow
worm-sinews

road-breaker
fort-burner
legate-eater

the woods are deeper than
maps and dreams and empires


HD 2 / AC as Unarmoured / Normal Damage - 1 Spell from Vivimancy or Cunning Craft


Spell schools from 'Wonder & Wickedness' and 'Marvels & Malisons' respectively.

Minotaur

To make a minotaur, start with clay. Form a pot in the shape of the head of a bull. The mouth must be wide enough to scrape the temples as it is pushed over the head.  

Once donned, the wearer cannot eat. Their moans of hunger will echo through the pot, distorted into braying and roars. As they grow more emaciated, the remaining flesh becomes harder, turning all but the surest blows. They will be able to tear men in half.

They cannot see through the pot, and so swing their clay heads left to right, listening for you.  

Now loose them into your labyrinth to stumble and squat and hunt in the dark. 

This is one of the paths a man could walk to leave mortality behind.

HD 4* / AC as Unarmoured / Damage with Advantage

*Supernatural HP

A Weapon is not a Tool

fuckin about with a heavily houseruled OD&D for no particular reason.

No thieves, no clerics, magic users powered by Wonder and Wickedness, also stealing this idea b/c it slaps

the issue is this leaves only 2 classes, and only 1 getting unique stuff on a per character basis.

so - give Fighters a reason to not just wear Plate:

Fighters wearing Leather armour add 2 to their saving throw rolls vs Wand/Ray & Breath Weapons

Fighters wearing Plate armour subtract 2 from their saving throw rolls vs Wand/Ray & Breath Weapons

and then give them choices to make with weapons - obviously, this doesn't have to be mechanical, but i think it helps some players. they're all meant to be broadly comparable and useful in different situations.

All weapons deal 1d6 damage - light weapons with disadvantage, heavy weapons with advantage.

Battle-Axe - Medium - May sacrifice 3 damage from an attack to attempt a weapon/shield strip. Roll a second attack - if successful, a weapon or shield can be ripped from the grip of the opponent.
Club - Light - Forgo damage to attempt to stun - after a successful attack, target attempts to save vs paralysis - failure results in them losing their combat round. Further strikes against them are at +2.
Crossbow*- Medium - Ignores armour, 1 round reload
Dagger - Light  -Throwable, usable in grapple situation.
Flail - Medium  - Ignores shields
Greatsword - Heavy - Upon a killing blow, the wielder can roll another attack. This effect can be triggered multiple times.
Hand-Axe - Light - Throwable. If 4+ damage is dealt, the Hand-axe bounces, 'attacking' again.
Polearm*† - Heavy - Grant a nominated adjacent ally -2 AC
Javelin - Medium - Throwable
Longbow* - Medium - +1 to hit per round spent aiming
Mace - Medium - Increases AC of those struck by 1 to a maximum of 7
Quarterstaff* - Light - Opponents must save vs Breath Weapon to approach, failure resulting in an automatic hit with this weapon
Shortbow* - Medium - Can split move and fire (i.e. move fire move)
Shortsword - Light - Riposte twice
Sling - Light - Can be used to launch grenades
Spear† - Medium - Wielder may chose hold their attack until someone tries to approach them - they then roll an attack first.
Sword - Medium - Riposte once
Two-Handed Axe* - Heavy - If a 6 is rolled for damage, roll another d6 and add the result. This effect can be triggered multiple times. Increase the wielders AC by +1.
Warhammer* - Heavy - Those struck are thrown backwards if unable to make a save vs paralysis. Use the damage rolled to determine distance.

† denotes a weapon with reach, being able to strike from behind another
* denotes weapons requiring two hands
Riposte: Attacks against the wielder which score below 7 (before AC is applied) result in the wielder being able to attempt a counter-attack, resolved normally.

KICKSTARTER ALERT

48 HOURS LEFT TO GET YOURSELF MORE GEARING GOODNESS

BUT ALSO THREE OTHER VERY GOOD BOOKS!

I'M ALSO A STRETCH GOAL FOR THE ACCURSED DISC HORSE 

Things Goblins Do

cw: sadism, violence, cruelty to animals and children,
basically if you didn't like the elves you'll really not like these goblins

goblins aren't cute. goblins aren't fun. goblins are fucking horrible.

they live in trash and build scrap-iron shivs. they lurk and crawl and titter in sadistic glee. a goblin can fit through a hole the size of a shilling given enough time. a goblin will stab another to see if the growth on it's face bleeds differently.

1hd
ac as armour
damage as weapon
morale 6
2d6 appearing

roll d66 (2d6 with the first dice being the tens and the second being the units)

d66	What Goblins Do
11	Steal the clothes from your children and pretend to be them.
12	Kill the family dog and nail it's face to your door.
13	Put poison in the fireplace whilst you sleep and stab you whilst you escape the poison smoke.
14	Hamstring the horses whilst they sleep so you can't go and get help.
15	Shit in your well.
16	Put razor-blades in fruit still on the tree.
21	Breed rats for violence and make them fight.
22	Steal your baby and wear them as armour.
23	Capture birds and snap their beaks.
24	Collect the genitalia of their victims.
25	Crawl under the floorboards and stick needles through the gaps.
26	Slither down the chimney, steal a hammer and nail your ankle to the bed.
31	Kill the prize bull, slit open it's belly and wait there for you.
32	Ring your house in lantern oil and set it ablaze.
33	Leave one alive to tell you what they saw.
34	Strangle you six or seven times before getting bored and smashing your skull in.
35	Eat your fingers, toes, ears nose and eyes and cauterize the wounds.
36	Tie you to the corpse of your friend with barbed wire.
41	Fill a bag with cats and bludgeon you with it.
42	Skin your back and your feet and throw you in the ocean.
43	Remodel your face after their own with a knife and a hammer.
44	Worm into the space between the walls and listen to you at your most intimate.
45	Ejaculate in your books so the pages are ruined.
46	Hide from everyone but you until you are isolated and distrusted.
51	Smear pigs in pitch and ride them towards you, holding a torch.
52	Tattoo your face and hands with their goblin scrawl.
53	Replace your dice with weighted ones and mark your cards.
54	Hang the weakest of their band from the rafters of a church, waiting above for you to cut down the corpse.
55	Leave the corpses of animals on your doorstep.
56	Set dogshit alight and throw it at you.
61	Piss in the alecask.
62	Leave your chicken coop open for the fox.
63	Pull moles out of their holes and hide in their burrows.
64	Hold tadpoles in their mouths until they grow legs - and then eat them.
65	Scream every night to stop you sleeping.
66	Give your child a knife.

Listen to Me be Self-Important

luke gearing now in podecast form